A break from the world; A drawing to God... is wat i need

Haha... i've not been here for bout a month liao. In fact not been online for some time too... What with all the crazy quizzes the past week, and my bro hogging the com(as usual), there just wasn't an opportunity for me to get close...Well, it's rest for me this week and hopefully i will make good use of this time to do my tuts and catch up on all the work so far. Can't afford to 'bao' any more modules liao. I think my average results so far is a C which is only good enough for second lower or third class honours only. Tsk tsk. Very bad. i musn't go around wasting my time. Let my will stand strong to be diligent...

The truth is i ain't too keen to update as well. I dunno wat to write cos i can't always write exactly wat i feel or think. This may be my blog but still i gotta be responsible for the things that i say. Life and death lies in the power of the tongue. I dun wanna hurt pple wif wat i say cos such hurts can take ages to heal & if not properly handled, the person can grow bitter and bear grudges. All this just cos i wanna say wat i feel? I think it's not wise nor worth it. So i will keep these to myself.

Some things i can share tho... haha... after the birthday incident, i have managed to prepare the following ones properly and on time. Thanks to a few individuals who haf given me their help and support: Karen & Brevin. Thx man!

Thank You for Your Mercy & Grace

Last thursday to sunday was the all-time low of my life. I had committed a horrendous mistake. Here's wat happened:

During a lec on thur, i suddenly thot i betta chk if any of my cg member's bday is coming, and lo & behold, one had juz passed & i had completely forgotten bout it! *horrified gasp* As the bday coordinator i had totally failed in my duty. i thot i shld let jimmy noe so i msged him only to realise that i sent the msg to the bday member instead! *double gasp* I blew it BIG time. At this point, i so wanted kick myself. I wld haf been less worried if it had been someone else but this particular member wasn't doing well spiritually & such things wld affect him/her. Anyway, the present & card was bought & we celebrated it on Sunday. When i met up with cell group members after svc, i didn't noe wat to say or how to react but tried my best to put on a normal face. I tink i did a pretty gd job since no one asked me if i'm ok. I had nv felt worse in my life. Guilt, shame, condemnation, fear... everything set in all at once & i almost cldn't take it. By the time we had moved off to the mrt station, i was so depressed & close to tears i juz wanted to go home. i felt so lousy about myself & i dreaded to hear wat Bro Simon wld say to me. I juz wanted to run away and hide forever. But it's no use. Porblems dun go away unless you deal wif them. Jim talked to me for a while that nite. Bro Simon din call me after all but i felt that i so so let him down. I knew that only God could release me. I decided to do something bout it rather than juz letting the guilt kill me inside. I played the Cross album and worshipped God. As i asked Him to forgive me, i felt peace in my heart.Thank You Lord for Your love and grace. But i knew i still had to forgive myself. All of us stumble and make mistakes inevitably but beating ourselves up about it does not remedy the situation at all. The impt thing is to repent & learn frm it, and dun go back to the past. Let bygones be bygones.

A man without a vision will always go back to his past - Rev Kong Hee

Sad but true. I realised that for the past 7 mths i did not haf a vision from heaven and simply lived by my own human strength, without knowing wat i was doing. Existence. Don't you juz hate the word. It speaks of mediocrity, being average, merely surviving. That ain't the kind of life God Almighty wants us to haf. We are called to a greater purpose, a higher calling. To be a world-shaker and history-maker. If you were to live your whole life juz existing, not making any impact or difference to this world in your generation, you might juz as well be dead now. No point wasting resources. I may sound cruel but it's a fact that applies to me too. Think about it, for those of you who haf not found the purpose of your life. Cos i haf. It is to love Him wif all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my might. Jesus i love You.

School reopens!

School has officially started for nearly 2 weeks liao... The first wk was dead tiring. My bodyclock had not adjusted back and had severe difficulties getting my brain to cooperate during my morning lectures (noon ones oso not that much betta), during which i promptly fell aslp within 10min into the lec. Sigh. It was still orite tho cos no tutorials yet mah. Even had time to go shopping wif adam on tue to look for his watch and shoes. Saw a few things i liked too but A&B. Muz be wise so KIV first ba. On wed finally went for my dim sum buffet (sponsored by wilson cos his chem got A. Wif a teeny bit of my help. Yay!). Some of the b29 ppl came too & we talked bout school. Most of them are in EEE... I've got less chance to see them now liao... Sad. Nvm, still same uni lah... haha... & thus the first week back in NTU ended somewhat subtly.

Saturday: WOW! Deliverance power. Nv seen so many pple getting demons cast out of them. Kinda scary but really an eye-opener. Actually had felt that i wanted to go for the altar call as well but was kinda afraid to. Bleah. Zhao Zhi brought a fren and she got saved! Hooray! hope that she will stay now. *fingers crossed* Was this day too that i kinda started to lose my voice. Even right now i'm still coughing. Heal me pls God...

School this week has been much, much betta. Tho i've not really been slping any much more than the last wk yet i ain't visiting the land of nod in all my lecs liao. Juz ONE today. Sian. Nvm, i'll do betta nx week... haha... But i've been a bad girl. I nv do my tutorials... Sigh, how to get 4As lidat?? And hanging around wif Huifen, Banana & the rest makes me stressed. Cos they r all SO HARDWORKING! Which prolly is gd for me lah... since i'm the lazy bones type... God help me turn over a new leaf... *desperate* I dun wanna 'bao' no more. Like wat adam said, i oso like to eat it fresh & hot... haha...

Anyways. sry i haven updated so long... Been tired & dun feel like logging on lah... A big thanks to those who keep on tuning in! Merci beaucoup! I nid to get some much needed rest soon... Ppl haf been asking if i'm lacking sleep... The panda eyes r getting more defined... Bonne nuite!

Ride on a Rollercoaster

Man, i nearly messed up big time... Wanted to change my skin budden this computing idiot here dunno how to edit the programming properly so i ended up wif something weird... Thanks to Arjun who told me to save my original settings in case something disastrous happened, you guys r still able to read this blog. Phew!

Today was supposed to be a gd day. Been out since early morning but i din come home too late lah... Dun wan mummy to scold... I went to a special place in the morn, so special that i can't tell you. Neh-ni-neh-ni-poo-poo. Then went to meet Mei Qiang at Kallang to help her choose her specs frame. We finally managed to find something she likes after quite long. By then both of us were starving and had lunch at the hawker centre nearby. She shared some of her problems wif me & i provided a listening ear and a few words of consolence. Argh. I din think beforehand bout how i cld impart something into her life. This was something Sheng Da shared wif me yest. Bout praying that wateva you speak there will b an impartation made. Nvm... i will try again nx time. Gambate! Anyway, we ended our rendevous after she went to see a sinseh for her aching neck and back. Think she's feeling betta liao...

Ok, y was it supposed to be a gd day? i was happy and my spirits were high at the start but somehow towards the end i feel different. Was troubled by a few things. Firstly, my fren was rather down but i cldn't be of much help cept to gif him some words of encouragement. God, i pray you lift him up and strengthen him. Secondly, i was thrown into panic when i wasn't able to contact one of my CG members. Msged her, called her on her hp, & even her home... but to no avail! No one knew where she was... Finally, my hp sounded and lo & behold... gd news! She ain't missing or hurt or wateva, but working lah! haha... Scared the bejabbers outta me that girl...

In spite of all the ups and downs, i still thank God for this day, for indeed, this is the day that the Lord has made!

A Hairy Story

I went to have a haircut (more like a trim really) yesterday... i oso colored my hair again... Yay! Actually the color is more or less the same as the previous one. It suits my skin tone (the hairstylist said so) so i thot i betta stick to it & dun mess up my hair. Oh, i went to Kimage at Tampines to try out cos Andy's been raving (hmmm..maeb too strong a word) bout his hairstylist. I can tell you i got no regrets. Sham is in fact great.

Due to a couple of reasons.
#1. He's pretty gd-looking. Heh.
#2. He's very friendly and chatty. Not at all intimidating.
#3. His advice is good.
#4. His skills r gd.
#5. He's very thotful to ask me if it hurts when he was taking off the foil. (maeb all of them do. i dunno.)

Ok, so i wld definitely recommend you guys to go gif it a try. A word of warning tho. It ain't cheap... It cost me $2o5 to get my hair cut, colored, highlighted and treated. Yea, a big hole in the pocket. But praise the Lord! I am being blessed once again by mummy dearest... Yay! Blessings juz as Arise & Build started. Actually she only gaf me $150 but i believe it's really God's hand moving that she din mind forking out another $55. Wif my tuitions and all, she cld haf refused me the money for the haircut. But thank God she didn't. All glory goes to Jesus!

Wat happened to me?

It's been a pretty eventful week... Mon and Tue i had FOC which was great! Made new frens frm China and played lotsa games... Wed went for the scaling as usually, the last one liao... It's finally all over! muahaha... Cell grp meeting was on thur and the msg was power... "When God has given you a purpose he will also gif you the provision." Went for OPM on Fri and i nearly concussed. Terrible, terrible. Juz goes to show that i nid to pray more. gotta stretch myself.

Saturday was the day! ARISE & BUILD!!! Wow, the precious... "If it's precious to you, it's precious to God." Still feeling a bit confused bout my amt. I pledge liao but i feel that i gotta pray still. Spoke to Bro Simon and he said i still got one chance to change. God, i wanan give something that will touch You, that will move Your hand to bless me. But i noe i gotta gif outta faith and not fear. Holy Spirit, pls speak to me. Pls prompt me...

Ok. I'm going to slp soon... i hope i can update more often. Juz that sometimes i dunno wat to write... Inspiration... Where haf you gone? haha... mad mad.

Updates

It's been a loooong time folks... Sry ah... i was seriously plain lazy... heh.

There's been quite a few events that happened since my last blog. Let's see...

Firstly, Arise and Build is coming up and i'm definitely all geared up and ready to go... Yay! Gonna build God a wonderful hse in the marketplace, for the marketplace, to penetrate the marketplace! Met up wif Bro Bobby and he's quite alrite wif the amt I'm gonna pledge. =)

Of cos, there's been the second and third painful experience of scaling my teeth. The second was much worse than the first cos they had to put even more anaesthetic on my gums that even my lips were numbed. Bleah. Ok la, at least i took the correct painkillers this time and didn't end up wif swollen eyes due to an allergy.

I met up wif my dearest Lik Yin and went for one day of retail therapy(i din buy anything tho. sigh.) Had fun seeing my best fren frm secondary sch cos she's really someone i had always shared my life wif. If you dunno who's she, well, here's a short description: strong(physically and mentally!), gungho, can be a bit stubborn sometimes, crazy at others, guy-crazy once in a while, determined, focused, smart and beautiful. haha. not that short after all. Aiya, my best fren in short lah...

Marche!! First time i ever ate there... & no one believes me... y??? haha... the food was quite alrite tho the price quite ex ah... budden i din haf to pay a single cent. *evil grin* muahaha... cos it was the Marche outing wif the NTU minstry pple and we used the vouchers we won frm POS and the telematch. Whoo-hoo! Eating for free is such a bliss... & i took lotsa fotos wif everyone too... hopefully i'll upload them soon ah... hehe... ppl r rushing me liao...

The hols r gonna b over soon and my room is still in a mess. A horrible mess. i decided that i nid to clean it up real fast b4 my mum gets on my case again.

I nid to go get ready for church so gonna end this here. Hope that my next entry will not be too far into the future. haha.

Ouch!

I wanna scream and i wanna shout. I'm in pain rite now, excrutiating pain. Just went for the first out of my 4 scaling sessions. In case anyone dunno wat i'm talking about, scaling is cleaning ur teeth THOROUGHLY. So, the dentist scrubed my teeth and gums till they r sore now. My goodness... I feel like just lying on my bed and not moving at all. I think i'm getting a glimpse of the pain that is to come when i put on my braces. Argh!!! i really dunno if i can take it... bleah.

Complaints

Eh, was gonna complain bout my bro but after a talk wif Sze and a searching of my heart, i figured that i'm being ridiculous. So yea, forget it. Anyway, i wanna complain about my computer. This machine has been giving me problems for some time liao. Bleah. Within the span of 24 hrs it hanged twice liao. I think the poor old thing got too many startups to do liao le. Sigh...

Tmr i'm going swimming with Sze. Heh, get a tan and improve my swimming skills a bit. My swimming is really bad sia. I got poor stamina and worse still, hydrophobia. As long as my head ain't above water when i'm standing, i will freak out. All due to a small accident when i was a kid. Bleah. Aiya, i muz overcome this fear lor, esp if i wanna participate in biathalon nx yr. Jia you!

Isa 41:13
For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'

Surprise, surprise

Oh, for heaven's sake, I din noe that people actually read my blog... haha... Erm, whoever it is who asked me to put up a tagboard... it's a great idea, cept that i dunno how... some help here pls... Thx!

The past week...

Some things are just not meant to be. Like the previous post... I messed up something bad, so it nv happened. Oh well, i take it that God doesn't want me to post some emotional rubbish up here. Many things haf happened of late, of which i ain't obliged to nor feel compelled to share at all. Bleah.

Empty, empty, empty. God i am an empty vessel waiting to be filled, filled with Your anointing. Cause such a great desire to rise up in me, to consume me, that i may wholly follow after You and You alone. Not mammon, not myself. I want to shine, shine so bright, that people are awed by Your glory in me. Passion. I wanna feel more passionate about You every single day. I feel so stifled up, unable to release all the tension and frustration within me. Only You Lord, only You will understand, only You will hear my cries. I can only turn to You. You are my Refuge. You are my all.

Emerge!

Today is the last day of the Emerge conference. The past 3 days haf been tiring but fulfilling. I believe that my life's gonna b changed after this. That revival's gonna come to NTU and to my cell grp. Let's all work hard for the kingdom of God ok? The harvest is indeed plentiful but the labourers are few.

Wah, im tired liao... think i betta go sleep... i'll update this pt 2 tmr then... haha, sry for the tardiness...

Boring? Me? You can't be serious...

Now i haf pple who are complaining that my blog's too boring... no music, no pictures... Okay, so sue me that i ain't IT savvy like the rest of the world. I'm juz not that interested in dabbling wif hard metal parts and stuff lidat ok... But gimme some time lah pple, I will show you an improved version... At least will haf some music... hehe... But if you were to talk bout fashion instead, it wld interest me much more of cos... Haha, a typical girl who lurves shopping to death. I nid to get some new stuff... Somemore now GSS(Great S'pore Sale lah you loonies...) must grab the golden oppurtunity. Hopefully my mum will be nice and sponsor me lah... haha... For those of you who haf known me long enuff, I'm a true blue mummy's girl and sometimes a pretty spoilt brat. Aiya, for those of you who dun, i've given you a not-so-good impression liao rite? wateva... Neways, thank God for my nice mummy... heh, i can afford to treat her so much betta tho...

Attitude attitude... Go figure.

Bad AttitudeZ...

Heh, getting lazy to blog too liao... Today's POS prac was quite erm, fruitless... ok lah, we went thru the cheer which is actually a very impt part lah but that was all... And we went all the way to Boon Lay... nvm nvm, shall not complain. Anyway, we bought the shoes for the POS liao. Quite cheap lah, $10 for a pair of shoes i may nv wear again... haha, but spotted the nike pair i like again... $100... boo hoo hoo... The rehearsal on Wed wasn't too good, so i was disappointed again... Y lidat??? anyway, i dislike my bad attitude of screaming at pple when they dun get things rite... I was screaming at Willy when he didn't get Daiqi up for the 2-2-1. Sigh, felt bad after that but worse still i din apologise... Yucks, Miss Low, that's being a small person... betta change ah...

Been feeling weird and weirder lately bout some things. Shall not go on to explain in full but it's pretty perplexing lor... Sigh, matters of the heart and the heart of matters... Pls help mi God.. i will lean on You for strength...

Prayer power!

Just came home from the Emerge prayer meeting bout an hour & a half ago. Tired but good. Hee... and it's the first time i had to stand for so long on stage... My feet hurt... haha... Today i buang my stunts totally... sigh, din haf the energy to do them properly... muz do better man! Second rehearsal later at 3pm! I shall not fail! GAMBATE!!! Pst Tan prayed for quite a few things tonite but i really hope to see revival in my school and my cell grp most of all. Yea! Will remember to do my caring system this week... i hope... haha... okok, muz do if not Bro Simon will come after me... no lah, it's my calling, to be an effective witness for Christ Jesus! Amen! =)

I've had it!

I've had it with stupid, inconsiderate neighbours. And they seem to be everywhere. For my case, it is probably considered mild but still, there is a limit to my tolerance. Somehow, some people(if they can be considered humans at all), like to assume that they are the ONLY people in the block who has the right to hang out their clothes to dry. So, they like to hang out their wet and DRIPPING clothes, which means that the rest of us living in the units below haf no choice but to not put out our clothes. ARGH!!! What is wrong with pple nowadays man? And it's not the first time this is happening i can tell you... Something drastic may happen if these pple dun change their attitude...

My fren's case of crazy neighbour is much worse. His neighbour simply does his best to irritate him to the utmost for no apparent reason. He will blast his stereo and play Indian music(cos he thinks that most pple dun like Indian music. Racist man.), and then move his family to the nx unit which is also theirs so he wun haf to listen to it himself. Insanity man... such pple are reeally insufferable... I would like to personally wring the necks... haha, i sound evil. Ok lah, i'm not... Seriously, pple shld try to think for others once in a while. Do what the bible says, "Do unto others as you want others to do unto you." And the world will be a nicer place. Ha.

Less news... gd news?

Pple haf started to slack cos i'm not getting as many updates on their blogs as i used to. I'm also not blogging as much as i used to... heh... feels a little let down when i click on blogs but dun see anything new. Haha... i shld speak for myself first huh...

Anyway, the rehearsal for POS today was pretty good. Viewed the other schools and so had an idea of what they r doing. But i thinl some schools are still holding back, not showing their full force. Actually i dunno if we are either. haha... hope no one frm other schools is reading this... I feel that it's abit unfair that they are showing so little and we so much. not that they can copy what we r doing cos it took lotsa prac b4 we even reached this stage of stunts. i'm not satisfied with my own preformance today cos i feel that i cld haf done much better and given more energy. Nvm, shall not dwell upon it...

ok, im feeling sleepy. gtg go dormir liao... A bientot!

Stuck in a rut

A pretty tiring and long week has passed. What haf i been doing? More or less the same thing every day, which is wake up, haf breakfast, travel to Boon Lay, practise for POS, then come home and sleep. eh, sian rite? Dun be mistaken here... i love POS and cheerleading. It's been a great experience so far, esp getting to noe so many on fire for God pple in my school. But spiritually I ain't getting anywhere, which is why it's tiring for me. So easy to get fired up but there's no constant source to keep that fire burning. Easy come, easy go... Y oh y? Bro Simon talked to me today and he wanted me to stop discipling to concentrate on my own walk. I totally do not blame him or anything. Just disappointed that it has to come to this. But i can't blame no one but myself. i shouldn't even be blogging at this hr... i should be reading the bible and praying... ok, i'm going. dun hurry me ok... gotta to the right thing at the right time, else i'm sinnning... later folks...

Rolling God times!

I've just had an amazing time with God, feeling His wonderful presence in my room and hearing Him speak words of encouragement to me. Not that this is the first time, but it always feels so good to be loved by Him. To be taken into His arms and told that everything's alright, that He still loves me. Thank You. These are the best words i can use to express my gratitude. It's a great time of refreshing & i wanna be refreshed and renewed like this everyday. I know it's not gonna be easy but no one ever said that life is gonna be a bed of roses. Far from it in fact. The devil will attack as soon as you take one step closer. Satan wants to keep you and I away cos he knows that the power of God within us will grow stronger when we get closer to the Almighty. "But fear not," says the Lord, "For I am with you always. Even to the end of the age." And everyone says "AMEN!" God, I'm gonna lean on You 100%, to let You lead me thru my life. I will remember the promises that You have given me, Lord. I will always look to You when times are dark, remember the rewards that are gonna come my way.

Discipline. Obedience. I am gonna be a vessel that's used for Your kingdom.

Just feeling plain happy. Contented. Smile on my face.

I am gonna breakthrough! Cos i feel it in my bones. Yay!

I will press on. Persevere. I love You Jesus!

Lethargy

Today's been a slow and boring day for me and how I hate it to be that way. I dunno why, although i've had enuff sleep i still feel tired and keep dozing off. Argh!!! This isn't the way my life is supposed to be... The past week i feel pretty outta sorts. I come home early but i feel tired anyway. What's this, man? Where's the zoe life of God? I haf not been dilligent to seek the face of my Maker either which means the past week of my fasting is wasted. Where's the enthusiasm and excitement about life? What's the meaning and purpose of my existence? Sigh, questions where the answers can only be found in my quiet time. I need a breakthrough, i need strength, i need energy. ok, enough of whining... i shld start doing something. As they say, actions speak louder than words.

Anyway, I've made my choice regarding my streaming. I put Mechanical and Production Engineering as my first choice. Wat do you think? heh... I hope i've made the right choice. Holy Spirit, pls guide me...