Thank You for Your Mercy & Grace

Last thursday to sunday was the all-time low of my life. I had committed a horrendous mistake. Here's wat happened:

During a lec on thur, i suddenly thot i betta chk if any of my cg member's bday is coming, and lo & behold, one had juz passed & i had completely forgotten bout it! *horrified gasp* As the bday coordinator i had totally failed in my duty. i thot i shld let jimmy noe so i msged him only to realise that i sent the msg to the bday member instead! *double gasp* I blew it BIG time. At this point, i so wanted kick myself. I wld haf been less worried if it had been someone else but this particular member wasn't doing well spiritually & such things wld affect him/her. Anyway, the present & card was bought & we celebrated it on Sunday. When i met up with cell group members after svc, i didn't noe wat to say or how to react but tried my best to put on a normal face. I tink i did a pretty gd job since no one asked me if i'm ok. I had nv felt worse in my life. Guilt, shame, condemnation, fear... everything set in all at once & i almost cldn't take it. By the time we had moved off to the mrt station, i was so depressed & close to tears i juz wanted to go home. i felt so lousy about myself & i dreaded to hear wat Bro Simon wld say to me. I juz wanted to run away and hide forever. But it's no use. Porblems dun go away unless you deal wif them. Jim talked to me for a while that nite. Bro Simon din call me after all but i felt that i so so let him down. I knew that only God could release me. I decided to do something bout it rather than juz letting the guilt kill me inside. I played the Cross album and worshipped God. As i asked Him to forgive me, i felt peace in my heart.Thank You Lord for Your love and grace. But i knew i still had to forgive myself. All of us stumble and make mistakes inevitably but beating ourselves up about it does not remedy the situation at all. The impt thing is to repent & learn frm it, and dun go back to the past. Let bygones be bygones.

A man without a vision will always go back to his past - Rev Kong Hee

Sad but true. I realised that for the past 7 mths i did not haf a vision from heaven and simply lived by my own human strength, without knowing wat i was doing. Existence. Don't you juz hate the word. It speaks of mediocrity, being average, merely surviving. That ain't the kind of life God Almighty wants us to haf. We are called to a greater purpose, a higher calling. To be a world-shaker and history-maker. If you were to live your whole life juz existing, not making any impact or difference to this world in your generation, you might juz as well be dead now. No point wasting resources. I may sound cruel but it's a fact that applies to me too. Think about it, for those of you who haf not found the purpose of your life. Cos i haf. It is to love Him wif all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my might. Jesus i love You.

School reopens!

School has officially started for nearly 2 weeks liao... The first wk was dead tiring. My bodyclock had not adjusted back and had severe difficulties getting my brain to cooperate during my morning lectures (noon ones oso not that much betta), during which i promptly fell aslp within 10min into the lec. Sigh. It was still orite tho cos no tutorials yet mah. Even had time to go shopping wif adam on tue to look for his watch and shoes. Saw a few things i liked too but A&B. Muz be wise so KIV first ba. On wed finally went for my dim sum buffet (sponsored by wilson cos his chem got A. Wif a teeny bit of my help. Yay!). Some of the b29 ppl came too & we talked bout school. Most of them are in EEE... I've got less chance to see them now liao... Sad. Nvm, still same uni lah... haha... & thus the first week back in NTU ended somewhat subtly.

Saturday: WOW! Deliverance power. Nv seen so many pple getting demons cast out of them. Kinda scary but really an eye-opener. Actually had felt that i wanted to go for the altar call as well but was kinda afraid to. Bleah. Zhao Zhi brought a fren and she got saved! Hooray! hope that she will stay now. *fingers crossed* Was this day too that i kinda started to lose my voice. Even right now i'm still coughing. Heal me pls God...

School this week has been much, much betta. Tho i've not really been slping any much more than the last wk yet i ain't visiting the land of nod in all my lecs liao. Juz ONE today. Sian. Nvm, i'll do betta nx week... haha... But i've been a bad girl. I nv do my tutorials... Sigh, how to get 4As lidat?? And hanging around wif Huifen, Banana & the rest makes me stressed. Cos they r all SO HARDWORKING! Which prolly is gd for me lah... since i'm the lazy bones type... God help me turn over a new leaf... *desperate* I dun wanna 'bao' no more. Like wat adam said, i oso like to eat it fresh & hot... haha...

Anyways. sry i haven updated so long... Been tired & dun feel like logging on lah... A big thanks to those who keep on tuning in! Merci beaucoup! I nid to get some much needed rest soon... Ppl haf been asking if i'm lacking sleep... The panda eyes r getting more defined... Bonne nuite!