I was right. I am missing them loads. Haha. My dearest Jules and Sharon, hope you guys are still holding out well. I noe you r super busy with all the studying, working, jamming and forecasting. God is your strength!
Well, it's been 2 weeks since I've gone over. The peeps r pretty ok. I still dunno them that well, and still feeling a lil lost. Hmmm, i tink i shld prolly tk on a more active role to get to noe them betta. Kinda taking a backseat and waiting for ppl to warm up to me automatically which is prolly a silly thing to do. "If you want frens, you gotta first be friendly yourself."
Quite a lot has happened in the last 4 weeks. I went for the BV auditions and nope, i din make the cut. I am disappointed. But i dun wanna sulk or blame anyone or give up on my dreams. I wanna work harder, twice as hard if i haf to. God, i pray you will turn everything ard, the hurts, the envy and emptiness, turn them all into my motivation, so that i can run faster and furthur for You. I am learning slowly but surely to let it go. To put it down and look at it positively. God is a good God.
Soon i will b water baptized. Woot! But somehow i am not so excited. I have waited for so long... i tink i've forgotten why i wanted to in the first place. Renew my passion for You everyday Jesus, renew my vision. I love You.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Hurts
It's been a long time since i came. So if i said nothing has happened i'll b lying. But i;m not here to talk bout all that. Juz one particular thing tat has happened these past 2 days.
Everyone noes i love cheerleading. It's really fun and exciting. But i also haf my owns fears as well. And cos of my not-so-light weight and not-so-gd body shape, more often than not, i feel inadequate. But i try. Along with giving a million whinnys and compliants.
i was really quite close to this person last yr during the cheerleading. i tink she felt that she could click betta wif me. But somehow this yr i dun feel that she feels the same way anymore. i noe we aint exactly best frens but it still kinda hurts. Sigh.
I juz feel lousy bout myself and i hate this feeling. Ever since the beginnig of POS this year, i feel less impt. i noe that it's most prob cos of eid that i cant b ard so much so i'm doing lesser. But some of the stuff i'm given i oso dun do so well that in the end they haf to scrape me and change everything. argh.
Then now we're starting the new ministry. And i wanted to join. But now i'm not so sure. Firstly my wrists aren't exactly in good condition and oso cos i dunno if i can committ to this as a ministry. I've got problems and choir. If you dun understand the previous line, dun ask me. So i feel kinda left out of the whole thing. Everyone frm ntu has been assigned as an ic. i noe they prolly gaf their word that they're gonna b committed le that's y but it still hurts. And they din even put me in any grp. Thanks. I feel so included. I wanna run away frm them and nv see them again. Actually maeb it's juz her. I dunno.
Confession to make here: i din go for prac yest for 2 reasons. First it's the wrists. Second i'm lazy. So i'm oso in the wrong. I dun even noe if they are in the wrong. oh well, i tink i juz gotta let go and let God. Holding on to hurts and grudges nv helps. It only makes the wound bigger.
Everyone noes i love cheerleading. It's really fun and exciting. But i also haf my owns fears as well. And cos of my not-so-light weight and not-so-gd body shape, more often than not, i feel inadequate. But i try. Along with giving a million whinnys and compliants.
i was really quite close to this person last yr during the cheerleading. i tink she felt that she could click betta wif me. But somehow this yr i dun feel that she feels the same way anymore. i noe we aint exactly best frens but it still kinda hurts. Sigh.
I juz feel lousy bout myself and i hate this feeling. Ever since the beginnig of POS this year, i feel less impt. i noe that it's most prob cos of eid that i cant b ard so much so i'm doing lesser. But some of the stuff i'm given i oso dun do so well that in the end they haf to scrape me and change everything. argh.
Then now we're starting the new ministry. And i wanted to join. But now i'm not so sure. Firstly my wrists aren't exactly in good condition and oso cos i dunno if i can committ to this as a ministry. I've got problems and choir. If you dun understand the previous line, dun ask me. So i feel kinda left out of the whole thing. Everyone frm ntu has been assigned as an ic. i noe they prolly gaf their word that they're gonna b committed le that's y but it still hurts. And they din even put me in any grp. Thanks. I feel so included. I wanna run away frm them and nv see them again. Actually maeb it's juz her. I dunno.
Confession to make here: i din go for prac yest for 2 reasons. First it's the wrists. Second i'm lazy. So i'm oso in the wrong. I dun even noe if they are in the wrong. oh well, i tink i juz gotta let go and let God. Holding on to hurts and grudges nv helps. It only makes the wound bigger.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
J'ai besoin de voyager
I love to travel. To see this vast vast world that You have created. To see the numerous people and cultures You have put on this earth.
Too bad i ain't loaded. Not me nor my parents. I can only look at the glorious fotos that my most fortunate friends have taken while on their travels. There's Lik Yin in South America, and Mandy in Milan(how cool is that! and for 7 mths too!). I was practically drooling over the fotos. Oh well, guess i juz gotta wait it out.
The last time i sat on a plane was 3 and a half years ago. At this point, i think i'm hearing some remarks like, "Quit whining. What about the rest of us?" I must offer my most sincere apologies if i have offended you in any way. But i can't help it. I am dying to travel. I am dying to experience new faces, new languages. The kind of adrenelin and impulsion i feel whenever i see those pictures, i'm not sure how many of you can understand it. i believe the fact that i've never even gotten out of this side of the hemisphere fuels that passion as well. My time will come. You just wait.
Too bad i ain't loaded. Not me nor my parents. I can only look at the glorious fotos that my most fortunate friends have taken while on their travels. There's Lik Yin in South America, and Mandy in Milan(how cool is that! and for 7 mths too!). I was practically drooling over the fotos. Oh well, guess i juz gotta wait it out.
The last time i sat on a plane was 3 and a half years ago. At this point, i think i'm hearing some remarks like, "Quit whining. What about the rest of us?" I must offer my most sincere apologies if i have offended you in any way. But i can't help it. I am dying to travel. I am dying to experience new faces, new languages. The kind of adrenelin and impulsion i feel whenever i see those pictures, i'm not sure how many of you can understand it. i believe the fact that i've never even gotten out of this side of the hemisphere fuels that passion as well. My time will come. You just wait.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Times and Seasons.
I know i said goodbye.
But there's the occasional time when i feel i need a little space of my own. God i know You are reading this.
People are made in pairs. One for another. This i totally agree.
In a recent turn of events, i found out that 2 of my frens have gotten attached. I'm happy for them, really i am, esp since one of them is my best friend in sec sch. Yet, my emotions are mixed. I can't help but feel a tinge of envy.
Why? Why is it that the whole world seems to be finding their happiness all at the same time. But it juz ain't mine. I understand You work in seasons Lord. I know now isn't the time. I know i shouldn't complain but... There is a slight sadness that i feel which i can't explain why. Is it self-pity? I hope not. I dont wanna turn into one of those desperados whom i so utterly despise. I have lost confidence in myself but i wanna put my confidence in You. That when the right one comes along at the right time, Your Holy Spirit will tell me.
"Guard my heart, oh guard my heart", You have warned me, "For out of it springs the issues of life." I will God, i will. I will try my best, and i will lean on the Holy Spirit for strength and guidance. Teach me to walk in Your ways, to be led by Your Spirit. Let my life be full of purpose Lord, Yours and not mine. Let everyday be an adventure; let every moment take my breath away. Amen.
But there's the occasional time when i feel i need a little space of my own. God i know You are reading this.
People are made in pairs. One for another. This i totally agree.
In a recent turn of events, i found out that 2 of my frens have gotten attached. I'm happy for them, really i am, esp since one of them is my best friend in sec sch. Yet, my emotions are mixed. I can't help but feel a tinge of envy.
Why? Why is it that the whole world seems to be finding their happiness all at the same time. But it juz ain't mine. I understand You work in seasons Lord. I know now isn't the time. I know i shouldn't complain but... There is a slight sadness that i feel which i can't explain why. Is it self-pity? I hope not. I dont wanna turn into one of those desperados whom i so utterly despise. I have lost confidence in myself but i wanna put my confidence in You. That when the right one comes along at the right time, Your Holy Spirit will tell me.
"Guard my heart, oh guard my heart", You have warned me, "For out of it springs the issues of life." I will God, i will. I will try my best, and i will lean on the Holy Spirit for strength and guidance. Teach me to walk in Your ways, to be led by Your Spirit. Let my life be full of purpose Lord, Yours and not mine. Let everyday be an adventure; let every moment take my breath away. Amen.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Au Revoir
Hey guys, i'm not keepin up here so i've decided that i should just close down this blog. My apologies to pple that do come and see what's up wif me. I still love you guys! See you ard sch or wherever...
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