Hurts

It's been a long time since i came. So if i said nothing has happened i'll b lying. But i;m not here to talk bout all that. Juz one particular thing tat has happened these past 2 days.

Everyone noes i love cheerleading. It's really fun and exciting. But i also haf my owns fears as well. And cos of my not-so-light weight and not-so-gd body shape, more often than not, i feel inadequate. But i try. Along with giving a million whinnys and compliants.

i was really quite close to this person last yr during the cheerleading. i tink she felt that she could click betta wif me. But somehow this yr i dun feel that she feels the same way anymore. i noe we aint exactly best frens but it still kinda hurts. Sigh.

I juz feel lousy bout myself and i hate this feeling. Ever since the beginnig of POS this year, i feel less impt. i noe that it's most prob cos of eid that i cant b ard so much so i'm doing lesser. But some of the stuff i'm given i oso dun do so well that in the end they haf to scrape me and change everything. argh.

Then now we're starting the new ministry. And i wanted to join. But now i'm not so sure. Firstly my wrists aren't exactly in good condition and oso cos i dunno if i can committ to this as a ministry. I've got problems and choir. If you dun understand the previous line, dun ask me. So i feel kinda left out of the whole thing. Everyone frm ntu has been assigned as an ic. i noe they prolly gaf their word that they're gonna b committed le that's y but it still hurts. And they din even put me in any grp. Thanks. I feel so included. I wanna run away frm them and nv see them again. Actually maeb it's juz her. I dunno.

Confession to make here: i din go for prac yest for 2 reasons. First it's the wrists. Second i'm lazy. So i'm oso in the wrong. I dun even noe if they are in the wrong. oh well, i tink i juz gotta let go and let God. Holding on to hurts and grudges nv helps. It only makes the wound bigger.